36 ways to say “Use a condom”

On the eve of World AIDS Day, I think blogging about condoms and safe sex is appropriate. Spotted this in Digg.com (warning language may offend some) :

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don’t be silly, protect your Willie
4. When in doubt shroud you spout
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong
7. If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
9. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10. If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection, is to protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20. A crank with armor, will never harm her
21. If you really love her, wear a cover
22. Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake
23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
24. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
25. No glove, no love
26. If you think she’ll sigh, cover old one eye
27. Even If she’s eager, protect her beaver
28. No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
29. Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt
30. Avoid a frown, contain your clown
31. Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
32. Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
33. Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
34. The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
35. Cloak the joker before you poke her
36. Encase that torch before you paint her porch